karabassa

Apartment

Tue, 12 Aug 2008 15:38:22 GMT

So, Scad does it again, Screws me over. I cant imaginehow or why but as of yesterday I have no place to live. Thats righ...apparently loans didnt cover apartments, after I talked to the office and they told me i am fine I have an apt. On top of that I have charges for them dropping me.
It s just not fair. i wanted to stay on campus because I work all hours of the day and I need to run back and fro, and now I cant because its just not safe.

So im looking for an apartment. Ai :( I did everything posible this year not to go through this and yet here we are.

Family shock

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 23:07:11 GMT

I dont write these often enough. Probably should start on a semi reglar basis.

I was talking with this guy and he told me a story which made my jaw literally drop. I had no idea what to do. Kept sitting there like omg are oyu serious!

So his friend is a truck driver. The man works mon-fri and has the weekend off. He gets off early from work and goes home. Walks in the dorr and finds his wife and his nephew doing the deed on the livingroom couch. Now who is to blame, the nephew, or the wife? Or both? I say blame the wife cause she prob got the nephew to do it but then again the nephew could be the one to blame. I kinda forgot how old the nephew was but it doesnt really matter for the sheer shock of the situation is enough.

Ok so maybe having your husband away for 5 days straight and not getting any is a pain in the ass, idk not married not my proble, but cmon what leads one to bang the 3rd generation. Eeek. Mid 30 libido and teen hormones prob do get the better of both.

my friend's poem

Sun, 21 Oct 2007 01:40:52 GMT

The beach was cold and silent, my heart ripped to shreds as I watched my soul explode into a thousand glistening flecks of sand spilling out of my chest with each breath. It began to rain as if the angels cried out in pain. The waters once calm, were now torrental waves, crashing their agony into the specks of my being left on the rocks. A tear fills my eye and falls crashing into the ground as if to cause the thunder around me. Another tear followed, soon a river of meloncholy flowed steadily into the earth beneath my feet. As I stood their in sheer amazement as to the pain a mere six words could inflict on a human being. As the light fades into the storm that once was a haven for your heart. You feel yourself slip away. And your mind becomes numb, out of survival. So close to death, but worse. Nothing can truely describe the pain of a broken heart.

Sun, 21 Oct 2007 01:40:13 GMT

How weird life is I am never surprised, well ya I am a bit. Whats weird is how things can take a sudden turn when you change the smallest thing. if somthing doesnt suit you go ahead and say something cause then sometimes everything gets better.

I am the type of a person who doesnt say much unless im just silly with friends or when something concerns me, and when it conerns me it has to seriously bother me. Recently a few things happened that basically made me a nervous wreck, i was in distress, still am actually, hope it will stop soon. But the good thing is that

Fri, 28 Sep 2007 05:27:42 GMT

Ever wonder what is going on with the world, and why everything turns on its head. What makes this happen? What factors play a role in this and how do you stop it or at least interfere to make the outcome less painful? It seems like a weird game that will never play out quite the way that you hope it will. Actually the more you hope for one direction it all seems to go the other. Its as through everything that is surrounding you only has a negative effect and the direction which its all geared at is downward, Like a bad dream thats not really a dream but an obscure reality from which you cant get away.

I have often wondered why this happens, and I have found when i say screw it all I dotn care about anythign or anyone and I will do whatever I please things seem to go back to some level of normalcy. A wave after wave comes and lifts you up and drags you downward and you have no breath left to fight you just give up. This is how I feel about life, at least life when I am surrounded by people. Its quite odd actually when I think about it. All my life I have never fit in, I wasnt an outcast but I just didnt belong in the time frame I live in and with the people that surrounded me, nor does this change when I get older. My understanding changes slightly but for the most part I know deep down in m gut that this is a constant factor in my life. I have tried to change it and communicate with people. Not an easy task for me to go so far beyond my comfort level but ive done it. And every time it seems I get hurt somehow. I doubt most will understand this, even though most may think they know they dont. Every time this happens I come to the conclusion that its far better to live secluded from people than with people because there is that constant factor of pain.

Life isnt perfect, nor are the people in it, far from it and thats probably why it all makes sense. I fully comprehend this and agree that if it were not so there would be something disturbing about the world. But what I find disturbing in this world is the lack sometimes people show towards each other in the arena of emotional understanding. People are too hasty they move too fast dont take time to think. Im as at fault in this as others are, and yet when the time presents itself that we should be this way the most we go in a different direction and dont slow down to think about what were doing or saying. This is such an important thing but its so hard to do, at least for me. I push people away so fast and I dont eve know half the time im doing it. I feel as though I am so screwed up it really doesnt matter because nothing will go right for me, at least the things i desperately want to work. It really rips my soul apart when I look at myself and what i do and this constant lack of control i have for what surrounds me. Im like a self destructive mechanism thats rusting really fast. I hate it but i cant change .

Change and people

Wed, 26 Sep 2007 00:58:33 GMT

What does it take for people to change?
For some its some type of induced emotional trauma that they are faced with and cant escape no matter how much they try. For others its the simple act of living through the days, weeks months and years that makes them turn around and approach life and the universe they are revolve around in a different direction. No matter what this different factor is in anyone's life there is a constant factor, or at least i assume so, and that factor is people. The aspect that has the most effect on us is people that revolve around us.

Its quite sad that more often than not the people that are around us are somewhat vile individuals who are not true to the way they are. In other words their entire persona is a mirage that is presented onto the world.

I personally am tired of this, I think it does no good, it ruins things more than fixes them. Im tired of people who act one way towards you and then turn around and do a 180 on you. People are weird creatures, they are a little bith like kayote or even hyenas. Ok that may be pushing it a bit but seriously most people around me at make me feel uneasy. im afraid of what they may do or say or if what I say will be turned around and placed on its head and in the end make me look awful, Ive made a conclusion of being more careful with people and not trusting peoples actions. A very little percentage of people are trully natural in their demenour and thats really really sad.

And to end this I think it takes a lot for people to change but most wont change because thats not in their nature. People cant look past themselves and see how they are in relation to everyone else. So I guess you yourself can change and you should not have any predisposed ideas that someone else will. For in the end you will be not only messed up but also disappointed and thos two combinations arent great.